A Plea To The TVA Overlords

10 Jan

For those of you that don’t know the TVA or the Tennessee Valley Authority, (not to be confused with the Trout Vagina Association, a much weirder organization involving OB/GYN’s, trout, and tiny little speculums) they are the wizards behind the curtain that control the flows of my favorite tail waters.  By controlling the flow of water they are much like gods, not the friendly, “Hey, How you doing?” God of monotheism that we have all grown to love, but more like the river gods of the Amazon that eat Capuchin Monkeys and poop stars.  Their reasoning for when the mighty water flows and does not flow is also a mysterious and mystical thing.  “The sun and the moon are in their fourth orbit of Jupiter and Orion’s belt is in retrograde, that means two generators for four hours right?”  I have Tuesday off and want to float without two generators worth of water being shoved up my ass like a biblical enema, so if someone at the TVA could tell me where to drop off the sacrificial goat I would really appreciate it.

– Nymph-o

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3 Responses to “A Plea To The TVA Overlords”

  1. panga January 11, 2010 at 3:14 AM #

    please throw the godz whatever sacrifice they want——
    lambs,virgins,tecate,fried chickenskin

    • Nymph-o January 11, 2010 at 3:52 PM #

      the gods will get none of my Tecate and that’s final. As far as a virgin goes the only one I know is Murphy and he’s all the way in West Virginia

  2. lsu flyfisher January 12, 2010 at 12:43 AM #

    Dave, the lords od the dam, unlike Juan Dam Pool, are the Army Corps of Engineers(?), I think and may be wrong as many times in the past, that there are three (3) goals for letting water out of the damn dam.1)flood control 2)electrical demand,3) whatever else they might think, 100)fishermen needs (don’t kbnow what happened to 4-990 so if the reservoir is not full (at or near power pool) it is not too hot (A/C season not here yet) and there is no rain in sight for at least 100 days, then they will or will not turn the darn turbines on. having fished Arkansas for several years now, I have learned that only way to be sure is to call the dam when you get there- although I have been told that TVA is much more predictable than the crazies that run Southwest Power. So – good luck and remember to bring the goat for the sacrifice.

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